I’ve been reading this book for some time now. I always say I will read it in one go but it took me forever and today I decided to finish this book. It is a Christian book by Elizabeth Elliot. I still didn’t finish it yet but I might just update you guys when I did. This book shows me how sweet love, young love should be. I didn’t finish it yet but it taught me a lot already.
I always am cautious about being too sexual with my boyfriend. Saving myself for marriage isn’t just about not having sex it is about saving all that should be saved and only be given to my future husband. Meaning if we can’t do it with my friends looking at us that means it is not appropriate. We can hold hands yes or maybe I can lean on his shoulders but the hard part is we are far apart. He is in another country and I am in my own country. We have different customs and beliefs which is hard and not to mention different language.
We were very sexual when we were together before and it is not very good. That was before I was Christian but then it continued even when we were far apart. I’ve explained to him that we should change because I know better now and I know that God has plans for me and He knows what is best. He had been so patient with me and although he did say he cannot promise if we meet again that he wont try to be initiating sexual things but it he also said that it is up to me to say no. And if I say no he wont do anything that I do not want. So it comes down to me and my discipline and my faith in our Lord Jesus that he will help me with this struggle that we have.
Many of the girls might have had this problem and I for one am having it almost my whole adult life. Before I really do wanna save myself for marriage but all of my boyfriends will promise that they will marry me but all of them did not obviously. Although I think it is because of lack of faith or being young that we did what we did. Now that I am reborn and have a second chance, I should know better.
Being in a relationship half of my life I have this notion that if I do not give them what they want then I might be left alone, broken and sad. There is no sure way to know if they will stay with you or not. But now that I am with Jesus I know that all I have to do is give my all to Him and for sure He wont leave me alone. If my boyfriend couldn’t understand why I wanna keep the marriage bed undefiled then maybe he will leave me. But that will be for my sake and that will be better than we both sin together.
“Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.”
Maybe if I do not find that one that will wait for me, that will honor me, and will be courageous enough to walk with me with Christ then maybe being single is better. It did not say that having a family is the end goal of life. The truth is honoring God, and being with God after our life in this world is over is the end goal.
Saying that, I should restrain myself more. We do not do anything so sexual anymore until today when he called me video call and I’ve been trying to lose weight. I got this thigh gap and I showed it to him but then he suddenly asked if I not wearing panties which I got defensive and showed him that I am indeed wearing them. After the call he told me he felt an urge when he saw my legs and panty. I didn’t know it would give him such an impact and I shouldn’t have done that too. I was just so accustomed to him seeing me with just my undergarments when we were still together that I didn’t notice. He did behave well and I didn’t so it is my fault.
After he said that I decided to think and to write this post. People do mistakes but we all should know how to repent and to know better next time. We should ask for the guidance of the Holy Spirit everyday to help us, give us knowledge and show us the right way.
We shouldn’t wake anything up until it is time. We should wait until marriage before giving ourselves because our body is not ours. It is a temple used to worship God and we should keep it Holy. I will do my best, we should all do our best. -Rizza♥